Fickle minded

Photo IG camp planning is not gonna be easy. There's gonna be a lot a lot to do. And i'm serious. A lot. But yes, i will do it and i will do my best to make it happen. Super tired today. I have no idea why. And then there's life saving tomorrow. Worst part is that class was suppose to end at 12:30pm but it ended up ending at 4:45pm. Plus my Lightroom training starting at 5. Oh god. Why do this to me. 

I don't really care what others think about me. Okay i do. But only if you are super important to me. And when i do, i take it very seriously. There aren't many people in my life that is super important to me. I guess thats a good thing because i can be myself and let others judge and i don't feel very offended. I want to be myself. Like i've said previously, my indecisive personality is gonna kill me one day but if that is what i have to go through to learn, i have to suck it. This is life. We don't have script and director to tell us what is the next step. The only director is ourselves. And the only well written script comes from the mind and the heart. I am thankful for every single one who has been in my life. It doesn't matter whether you are still part of it. But i am pretty sure you taught me a lesson. I might not remember what it is. But at that point of time, it is exactly what i needed to go through. 

I'm turning 17 in 7 days time. Someone once told me that when you turn 18, you will start to really think about your life. I don't know why i'm doing this to myself but i'm already thinking. I really don't wanna think so much. But i can't. It just comes into my mind every night before i sleep, when i'm showering, when i take long bus rides. What am i gonna do? Is this what i really want? When am i really gonna grow up and be mature? Constantly drowning in these thoughts. I'm so tired at times. Sometimes i really wish i still have Snowball with me. Because when nobody is there for me, she will always be. I know she will. 

That text last night and that meant so much to me. Those words were exactly what i needed to hear. I don't need the thanks. All i need to know is that i mean something to you at least. I can't explain how i feel for you. But if i could, i will let you walk into my heart and maybe then you will know how important you are to me.