Running in circles

Yesterday was awesome. Phantom of the Opera is a concert i will never forget. I really really respect the Phantom. He let Christine go although he really wants her. And i guess thats love. Really super touched. And i'm really thankful to Joelle for the dinner and the presents. 

Went airport to study with BFF today. Airport.. Judging us right. HAHAHA. Maybe its me. I'm judging myself. Go airport to study. Whuttt.... Hahaha! But according to BFF, the airport is very versatile. So... The long bus ride and sad songs really make me happy. HAHAH. Irony! But doesn't matter la. Hahaha. 

Kinda in a confused mode for a few days already. I'm so lost. I've never felt like this before. Like, never. Why is this so complicated? Is like two person who feels the same for each other cannot be together. I know the reason why you don't want to give it a try. And i guess that is why i don't know what to feel now. I can't describe the kind of frustration i'm feeling. So confused, so fed up, so messed up. I hate the fact that you are so good at pushing me away. I hate the fact that you can distance yourself so easily. I hate the fact that you are so good at not caring. And i'm just here, thinking, wondering, guessing. Talk to me. Even if you've said the wrong things. Tell me you said the wrong words and that perhaps you didn't feel the same. Tell me to get over it.

I don't like myself like that. I don't like the fact that whenever i let someone in i get hurt because they want to protect themselves. Its not their fault. Its mine. Because i let people in too easily. Why can't i learn? 

Happy Birthday to myself

I'm finally 17. Hahaha. I know right! I wish i act like one too. But i don't have time to act. HAHAH! The first day of my new life went alright. Just that maybe i'm a little tired thats why my day had been pretty much below normal. But its fine! Tomorrow will be a better day!

Went for school for nothing actually. Cause Khai Seng came into class real sick and left within an hour. So basically we spent our time going out to the HDB to do another video. I didn't do anything actually. I was so moodless and tired i just sat down and stone until everything was done and we went back to school. We had a mini chinese-song singing session. It was really sad. HAHAHA Cause we sang all the sad songs from Jay Chou and some other.

When to meet mum afterwards and had lunch with her. Not really. My appetite has been real bad recently so i just drank and we went to spend money. HAHAHA. My mum asked me if i wanna go do my nails. And i was like but i don't have long nails and i have to work so its a bit wasted. So she told me to go and treatment my hair. End up i went to dye again but this time plus highlights. HAHAHA. Not those wild colours. Just something real close to my previous one. HAHAHA.

Before my Birthday come to end, i think i should wish myself too. Hahaha! To be honest, my sweet 16 had been really different. I don't know is it because i finally grow up or what. But, it was impactful. The people that i've met, the things that i've learnt, everything. I think i overuse the word Thankful, but i really am. I am thankful even though part of me wished that i could rewind time to change certain decisions that i've made. But this is a part of life isn't it? We make the wrong decision and maybe from there we lose something, but at the same time, we gain experiences. And i think the biggest mistake i made was bringing out those three words. Because i realise they always kill me in the end. Always. Okay whatever. Hahaha! So here i go, Happy 17th Birthday to myself! HEHEHE!

Feeling different

I was trying very hard to keep all these to myself. But i realise i can't. So i went to tell my mum about it. And all she said was 'The most important thing between two people when they are together is to be happy. If he really likes you, he will trust you enough and come for you.' I was processing her words and i realise what she meant. Maybe she's right. One day when he's ready, when he finally overcome those fear, maybe we will really end up together. Who knows? I'm really thankful for having such a wise mum like her.

Though part of me really wanted us to work and to give it a try even though i'm scared too, because truth is in the end we only regret the chances we didn't take and the relationships we're too afraid to have. And another part of me feels like i'm waiting for someone better to replace me in your heart, but i would rather be single than to ever lose you in my life.

I think all these post about him should stop. Because i've gotten the answer that i wanted and needed, it doesn't matter if its the answer that i want. Now that i'm clear, although i'm still unclear of what lies ahead, but now that i'm clear of how he feels, its time for me to get over this.

I wrote a card for each of my parents for my Birthday. Hahaha. I know right. Its my birthday why will i write cards for them. Without them, there wouldn't be me. I'm not perfect. But they are the ones who taught me all the values that i have now. I am thankful for that. I know i'm gonna sound stupid but i will continue to learn to be a better person HAHAHA!

Alright, gonna go start on Math soon. Bye all! ^^

Fickle minded

Photo IG camp planning is not gonna be easy. There's gonna be a lot a lot to do. And i'm serious. A lot. But yes, i will do it and i will do my best to make it happen. Super tired today. I have no idea why. And then there's life saving tomorrow. Worst part is that class was suppose to end at 12:30pm but it ended up ending at 4:45pm. Plus my Lightroom training starting at 5. Oh god. Why do this to me. 

I don't really care what others think about me. Okay i do. But only if you are super important to me. And when i do, i take it very seriously. There aren't many people in my life that is super important to me. I guess thats a good thing because i can be myself and let others judge and i don't feel very offended. I want to be myself. Like i've said previously, my indecisive personality is gonna kill me one day but if that is what i have to go through to learn, i have to suck it. This is life. We don't have script and director to tell us what is the next step. The only director is ourselves. And the only well written script comes from the mind and the heart. I am thankful for every single one who has been in my life. It doesn't matter whether you are still part of it. But i am pretty sure you taught me a lesson. I might not remember what it is. But at that point of time, it is exactly what i needed to go through. 

I'm turning 17 in 7 days time. Someone once told me that when you turn 18, you will start to really think about your life. I don't know why i'm doing this to myself but i'm already thinking. I really don't wanna think so much. But i can't. It just comes into my mind every night before i sleep, when i'm showering, when i take long bus rides. What am i gonna do? Is this what i really want? When am i really gonna grow up and be mature? Constantly drowning in these thoughts. I'm so tired at times. Sometimes i really wish i still have Snowball with me. Because when nobody is there for me, she will always be. I know she will. 

That text last night and that meant so much to me. Those words were exactly what i needed to hear. I don't need the thanks. All i need to know is that i mean something to you at least. I can't explain how i feel for you. But if i could, i will let you walk into my heart and maybe then you will know how important you are to me. 

August babies

Class celebrated birthday for the August babies in today. Super thankful for this bunch of people who makes me look forward for school every single day. Even to those whom i don't really like, part of me is still thankful for your presence. Thank you so much people. I don't know what is going to happen from next year onward. But this part of my life will be remembered forever. Thankyou!

This week's gonna be super busy for me. There's camp briefing tomorrow until 8:30 pm. For Wednesday and Thursday, there's Lightroom training till 8 pm and on Friday and Saturday there's IGNITE! till like 10:30 pm. Not forgetting that i have to work on Sunday morning. Really appreciate this kind of pack schedule. Cause it makes me sooo tired physically and mentally that i end up drained. That makes my night an easy one because i would not have the energy to get up before 6.

Went to do DT with the 3 idiots after school today and the interviews went super well! I'm so happy i feel like i'm gonna burst. HAHAH. Finally, it's coming to an end. I just need to bear with it for another week and i can enjoy my deserved 6 weeks of holiday. 6 ^$&# weeks guys. Damn. Hahaha.

Alright, gotta go settle my UCB now. Buai guys!

Get busy get busy get busy.

Came to an ugly realization yesterday. Sigh. But work was alright. It turned out better than i expected it to be. Heheheh. And Raymond treated all of us yang zhou chao fan jia dan! HEHEHE! If i'm not wrong, Maze paid for it in the end. 

The previous night when i worked with Martin and Rach, i met these two drunktards that turns out to be pretty nice. If i'm not wrong only one of them is drunk. Martin and his friends went for supper so only Rach and i were waiting for the cab. There was one cab that came and i told Rach to hop on first. I really didn't expect the waiting time to be that long. These 2 guys came behind me and told me that they are queuing up for taxis too. I was a little blur because where i'm standing is not the taxi stand. So i just smiled and nod. Soon after, a taxi came and the uncle asked if anyone's going 'Pasir Ris, Bedok, Tampines.' One of the guy was like 'What's wrong with him? How does Pasir Ris come before Bedok and Tampines? The driver clown uh.' I literally LOLed cause the way he said it is so obvious that he's drunk! We continued waiting and waiting and they asked me where i stay because if i stay in the same area, they could give me a lift. But sad thing is i stay in Woodlands. Hahahah. So they told me to go over to the junction side because it’s easier. I went over and I got a cab immediately. HAHAHA

That was on Friday night. Last night…..

Okay so, when i got up the cab last night after work, i told the driver that i wanna go Woodlands street 83. He asked me is it Ave 9. So i repeated st. 83 twice for him to make sure that he knows where he's going. I was pretty happy because i thought i would be able to reach home early. The next thing i realise, he actually missed my house and went one big round. Thats not the worst part. He stopped me and Republic Poly and asked if 'here can or not?' I was like 'Uncle, Block 855 Street 83.' And instead of driving me home, he repeated his question. So i gave up and decided to walk home. At that point of time, i really wanted to cry so badly man. I mean its 12:30am. Nobody can be seen anywhere. Plus the conjuring........ Okay nevermind. 

Went for IG training that day and i was selected to be part of the planning team for our events. I swear i'm so harpie! Hehehe. This is gonna take up a lot of my time! Which means, i'm gonna get really busy soon! With assignments, tests, work, IG and tennis, hahaha. There will be no space left for thinking. After all, what Bff said was right. And its really something for me to think about. 

I will get through this guys. Hehehehe. Can't wait for IGNITE on Friday and Sat! Another event to keep mue busy! BAHAHAH! Okay bye all! ^^

Busy busy

I was 10 times better already. I don't know what happened either. Sigh. Nevermind.

I'm gonna get really busy from next week onward. Hehehe. Which is good. Tennis training is resuming. Time whack some ballsssss. Teeheee! So basically, my life is just going be school, photography, tennis and work, school, photography, tennis and work and it repeats.

Met up with mum after school because I forgot to bring my keys and I couldn’t enter my house. HAHA. Was in a pretty bad mood. I think she gave up asking me why cause all I said was I’m tired. But she knew. Cause she told me a story that relates to my problem. And she said 'Never never never never get your feelings involved.' This is why I love her so much. If one day she’s gone, whose gonna be there to be patient with me and guide me through all the lessons in life? Whats more, my super indecisive personality will require me to learn it the hard way before I truly understand the seriousness of it.

Guess it is time to get some things sorted out.

Everyone gets tired. I am tired. And I’m on the verge of giving up already. So before I really do, please cherish me. Will ya? If not, let me go. You know that I have something for you. If you don’t feel the same, then give me some time alone. You don’t have to say anything. Just leave me alone. I need to get over it. It’s been way too long and I have broken too many promises to myself for you. So, please. 

A good day makes a good week!

Yesterday was the best day ever. At least its going to keep me going for the rest of the week. 4 days of Math, what to expect? Plus i have to work on Friday and Saturday. That just suck humongous time. Humongous is an understatement. 

Whatever it is, i just need to remind myself that i go to work for the pay. Its not really helping actually. What was i even thinking when i say i wanna head back? Well it probably won't bother me as much if... Nevermind forget it. 

Went to watch The conjuring yesterday. It wasn't that scary what. HAHAHHA OKAY KIDDING I WAS SCARED. It was really kinda creepy. And throughout the whole entire night i couldn't sleep. I thought sleeping early would help. So i went to bed at 11. I got up in the middle of the night feeling happy cause i thought it was like 6am already or something. But turned out that it was only 1:30 am. I know right, what the hell. And then i started thinking shit. HAHAHA. Those irrational fear.

First, i thought someone was going to grab my leg. I was like freaking scared so i hid my legs under my blanket. I was feeling damn damn damn warm. I feel like as if i'm having a fever or something. At that point of time i literally want to roll myself off the bed onto the floor and sleep there. But then again, aku scared. HAHAHA. So i continued to lie down there, feeling like i'm on fire, with that blanket on. And there comes the second part. I started thinking that someone is gonna open my closet and start clapping. WTF RIGHT. And another one is going to jump down from the top shelf of the closet. Omg. I want to die man. Soon after, Joysen texted me cause he saw my tweets saying that i couldn't sleep. HAHAHAH! He told me to bless him cause he's gonna enter camp today! Okay so we talked for awhile and i thought i was tired. So i went back to sleep again. And i woke up again. Okay basically i woke up over 7 times last night. The last time i woke up was 5 and i gave up on sleeping.

Someone texted me that day and asked why is it that i usually blog right after i had a good day with someone and why is it always the same person. Hahah. I don't know how to answer that question as to why is it always the same person. Cause i don't understand either. Sometimes i wish i knew. So then maybe i can psycho myself to the thought that there might be someone like him out there. But no. I don't even know why myself. There's just something about this guy.. And as to why i usually blog after i had a good day with him, thats simple. Cause i wanna remember all time spent with him. It’s true that memories kill us. But it’s what keeps us going at the same time isn't it? 

Okay, last warning already. Having English presentation tomorrow. Gonna go prepare already. Byebye! ^^

Lilies are for funerals

Went out to do DT at town yesterday. We made paper lilies and hoped that the elderly will accept our flowers. Yet we got rejected again and again. So we gave up and i came home to celebrate my brother's birthday.

Told my aunt about how our DT project didn't work out and she actually reminded me that lilies are for funerals. HAHAHAHA! How stupid can i get? But she's very nice because she actually made carnations and ask me to use that to try out. Really super thankful for the family members that i have. ^^

So, my brother's 12th birthday celebration! Its his big day but i took it as my chill day as well. HAHA. Cousins came to have a drink together and we kind of had a mini KTV session. We wanted to watch The Conjuring but Alac and Nic are too scared so we ended up watching sick dupstep videos at 12am. I wanna watch The Conjuring but to be honest i'm really pretty scared.

Did my Math assignments last night so i can have a stress-free Sunday all by myself. TEEHEEE. Heading out soon and i shall post the Birthday soon picture if blogger allows me to. HEHE! Buai guys!

Time for a change.

Yup i usually will not have a problem with Red. HAHAHA!

Thankful for the four days of holiday HEHE! Its National day tomorrow! Can't wait to be in red and white! On the normal days when i wear red and white people be like 'National day uh?' So tomorrow is finally National Day for me to be in Red and white TEEHEEEE

Celebrating brother's birthday on Saturday. And i can't wait for mine of course. HAHA. Turning 17 soon yet i don't know how a 17 is suppose to act like. But i really don't want to fake like as if i am mature. So go ahead and judge me. 

Speaking bout judging. I hate how i judge people. So from tomorrow onward, i promise to at least make an effort to change the way i see people and things. Not forgetting about cursing. HAHA. I've been saying that i want to stop cursing but it seems like i didn't even make the effort to do something about that bad habit of mine. So here it goes. From now onward, i will make the effort to be more conscious about my actions and my thought processes.

Good news! Joelle asked if i wanna go watch Phantom of The Opera with her! And we're going on the 29th! Teeeheeee! I asked my mum and she allow me to go OMG. And she said that she don't mind paying half of the ticket money for me. HARPIE GIRL IS MUE! ^^ 

Feeling hungry again. Bye all! Gonna go haunt for food now. 

HAPPY NATIONAL DAY SINGAPORE! ^^

Its been way too long this time.

I think my body clock is screwed ): I sleep super late at night and take naps in the afternoon. I mean, i know the reason why i can't sleep at night is because i take naps in the afternoon. But i have to take naps because i feel super tired every day after school. And those headaches i get recently when i'm in class is just.. I have no idea what is wrong with me.

Worst part of the day always comes when i wake up from my naps. That empty feeling is enough to kill me mentally. Trust me, i really don't want to go emo and mood swing all. I feel bad too. All people do is judge. But they never try putting themselves in our shoes and just think about what we are going through at that point of time. Its never easy being me. No matter how happy go lucky anyone can be, part of them is still worrying, overthinking, stressing over things, problems and people. Nobody is really happy. 

Same old problem, same old me. I tried, people. I really tried to get over it. I have no idea what is going on with me either. It’s been way too long this time. Am i even normal? Honestly? Some days i am convince that it is pretty impossible. But others, i just can't seem to simply get the thought of you out of my fucking mind. I do know that you don't feel a thing. And you don't think about me like how i think about you. I sound a little kiddish here. But that is exactly what is happening. Give me more time. I will do my best to sort out these feelings. I didn't want this to happen to myself either. 

Sigh. Why am i so vulnerable.

On the darker side, I'm working till 1am tomorrow.....................

On the brighter side, tomorrow is the last day of school for the week! Hwewhooo! Heheheh! Its a deserved break for all of us. Jiayou! HEHEHE!
Bye all! ^^

Bad luck Angela

1:30 now. I should be asleep already but i'm still waiting for my hair to dry. So i'm think i should i just post a short post about my first day of work.

Everything is pretty much the same in GI. Just that there are few additional things going on in there. So, we ended closing pretty early today but Maze, Rach and i went to get Mac cause i was really hungry. After getting our dinner, we went rushing for our train. I happily went up the train and told my dad that i will be taking bus home and make him go to sleep. So when i reach woodlands, i went to the interchange to realise that my last bus was at 2345. I really can't believe it. It was 1230 already and i have to walk home. Whats more, my bag pack was super heavy for the day because my Faci didn't collect my notebook and there were 3 sets of clothes in there. Not forgetting how painful my feet was because i wore the pair of shoe that matches my dress for the formal presentation. At that point of time i really feel like lying down on the ground and just sleep.

Hahaha. But no matter how bad luck i am, i am still home now, safe and sound. Super thankful. hahahah. Alright, i'm gonna head to bed already cause there's still class tomorrow. Goodnight all!

Nope

I can't seem to upload photos here i don't know why ): And i'm too lazy to find out why. Gonna start on UCB revision soon. Whole family went for bowling session and i'm having the whole house to myself hehehe!

Work and formal presentation is a bad combi because i have to bring jeans to school ): And thats my bad combi day tomorrow. Its okay! I must be positive. HAHA. Its the first day of a new week tomorrow! Everything will go fine. ^^

To be honest i'm more nervous for work than presentation tomorrow. I don't want to be and i don't know why i am. Can i just stay home and not go to work because you are not there so whats the point. Omg. I didn't just. Hahaha yeah i did. Okay whatever.

Gonna be a looooooooooooooooooooooooong day tomorrow. Shall go study for UCB now. Buai guys!

Thankful

Its a Friday. I skipped PE today yet i still feel extremely tired.
I finally took the shortcut route home today. Not that i just found out there's actually a shortcut. I have been walking that route to school almost everyday but i always forgot that there's a faster way when i go home. Okay so, i was extremely tired but i remembered the route and i walked that way. I was walking by the carpark and for a moment i forgot that there might be cars and when i turn back, a car was coming out. I really almost died. Still feeling traumatized now but.. Yeah. I'm still alive.

Saw my granny when i reach my block. She brought food to cook at my house! Hehehe. Good food again tonight! Super thankful for my granny. So now, i'm gonna rest for awhile and tonight i'll post the photos again! Hehehe. The photos from yesterday and the food tonight! ^^

The first day of August

It is the first day of August and i must really say that it has been the best day this week. It has been long since I laughed this much. A million thanks to the 3 DT idiots who made the first day of my month such a wonderful one.

Went Tamp Ikea after school today to get flowers for our DT prototype test out on Saturday. I can’t wait to see the expressions of the strangers. Hehehe! So we got our flowers and broke fast with Jay again at Ikea! As usual, chicken wings! Yup, I had 2 chicken wings, that portion of broccoli and the mushroom soup. That’s my dinner. HAHA. I wish I could eat more. So then I won’t feel wasted going to buffet.

I deactivated my Instagram account. I KNOW RIGHT. How is that possible. But I really did it. First I think having over 1000 photos with one third being your portrait is just weird. Secondly I think that its because I’m taking the ‘likes’ a little too seriously. Not as in the number of likes I get but who likes my photo instead. So why torture yourself by letting people take over you mentally when you can just close down that bloody account and stop giving a shit? Oh and lastly I can start over by creating a new Instagram account after sometime. Hehehe. So basically, pros > cons. Pros win. So, it is a right choice! ^^

I guess I should deactivate my twitter soon too. Facebook I can’t because that’s where I keep and upload my photos. Hehehe. Shall upload the Ikea retarded photos tomorrow night maybe. I’m super tired now and there’s PE tomorrow. WHAT. So, goodnight guys! ^^

I miss you a little too much tonight.