Instead of studying Math, i'm blogging because i think i really need to let these thoughts out. This morning before my paper, my mum told me that my granny cried because she overheard something. I think this is something i really cannot tolerate. I mean, i really don't give a shit if you are unhappy with me or anything. And i don't give a fuck that i'm younger than you or what. If you don't show respect to my granny, give me a reason why i should treat you with respect. If you haven't seen how my granny took care of all of us since young, i think you should really shut the fuck up.
I really think i have the best granny on Earth. She is the strongest woman i've ever seen. After she was diagnosed with cancer that time, she was told to have injection twice every single day. It started off with my mum helping her when she was staying at our house. But after she went back, my aunties started to help her with the injection. Recently, she started injecting for herself because she don't want to trouble people anymore. Can you guys feel the amount of stress that she is facing towards her health? What the fuck is wrong with people nowadays? You know if you are so unappreciative towards whatever that you are having now then maybe you should just go and find somebody else who can give you a better life. You think that the life of your family is so easy? What are you doing exactly other than just taking? Are you even contributing? I don't have to go up every day to know what the fuck is happening in that house. Honestly, start appreciating before its all gone. Because i assure you, you will regret when she leaves and you will be the one crying the loudest.
Went to visit granny after paper just now and she was so glad. My heart aches so bad when i see her. She's so old already and she's sick. Why can anybody at least help out a little? Nobody is asking anyone to do everything. Just do your part in keeping the house clean and clear your own shit after you're done. How is that difficult? She cooked dinner for me and i told her that home cook food is always the best. I know she's tired. Physically and mentally. But she told me she'll cook for me everyday if i can visit her. Why must she go through these kind of shit? If i could i will take all the sufferings from her. Wanted to hug her before i leave but all i did was smile because i know if i do, i'll just break down and cry. She deserve so much more for whatever that she have done for this family. So much more.
What is so hard about being filial? Although she's tired and sad, all she ever wanted was for her children and grandchildren to be happy. I feel so disappointed in myself when that thought hits me. What am i doing with my life? How unfilial can i be. I will be a happy girl from now on. Maybe not for myself but for people around me. I'm thankful for everyone who has been there. And now, i'm going to be there for everyone else.
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