Sealand without sea

Was so sad because i thought the family chalet was going to be at Pasir Ris beach but it ended up at Changi treehouse. Meaning there was no sea although that place was called Sealand Road or something like that. But it wasn't that bad. Cause almost everyone turned up. And that makes up more than 60 people. Imagine that guys. HAHAHA.

Family gathering. As usual, questions were asked. Hahaha! I think the next family gathering i should really wear a board that explains everything about myself including what PFP is. HAHAH! But i like how we get to catch up with each other once in a while like that. It is really heartwarming ^^

Finally set a date to go out with my beloved cousin. It has been damn long since we last go out to shop together. Have got so much to tell her i think she'll be surprised by all the changes in mua life. Hahah! Alright, shall really head to bed already since there's meeting tomorrow. Goodnight all! ^^

Monday blues at da beach

Its Mondayyyy! Can't wait for tonight because i'm going to Pasir Ris park for aunty's chalet. Not that i'm really close with that aunty or what. But its beachhhhh! Heheheh! Meaning i can heart to heart with that cousin that i haven't seen for long enough and i can shoot! Eggcited girl! Dad took off tomorrow so we can go out out together but sadly i've got to return to school for meeting before my family outing.

I requested Raymond to transfer me to Jcube instead of working in Bugis. Hahaha. Bugis had been like my home but i guess its time to finally make a decision for myself. Jcube is so much nearer to my house and the closing time even for weekends is 2300. Its really more convenient.

Ogayyy i'm going for breakfast now! Nope, lunch! Hahaha! Bye bye all!

Look at us, look at me.

I just saw something that made me so sick that i really feel like vomiting now. It's not that bad. But i just can't help it. This world is so small i think i.. Omg. I don't know. I just want to be hidden among the crowd omg. 

Yeah. I guess thats the difference between others and me. I don't like to be the attention. I don't want to be. I don't want people to know me. I just want to be there for them and thats it. I have been doing what i like and its good this way. To be there for them and after they got better, they will leave. And another will come. It has always been like this and i'm cool with that. Maybe it hurts. But i know after some time everything will get better and i will get better. Of course, during the process, i learn too. And now, honestly i think its time for me to just get over it already. Maybe part of me is still not over you. Its obvious. But i know its kind of impossible for us too. Look at the people around you and look at me. Which part of me fits in? They are pretty and famous all. And i'm just me being here, blogging and munching on my chips at this timing. Hahaha! Even i laugh at myself. So.. I guess i finally see it now. But honestly i'm really thankful for all the memories you have given me. It has been and is the best part of my life.  

Its raining. And i love this weather, especially at this timing. Hehehe. I've spent my whole entire day today doing nothing. Like really nothing. I literally lazed around the entire day. And its gonna be the same for tomorrow. Okay today since its already 12. But i'm gonna bake on Sunday with mum! Hehehe. Lets have some #foodporn post on Insta on Sun! Alright, imma go hunt for some movies now. 

Take care and good bye. 

Why is it all about you.

Its Teachers' day tomorrow and i'm all ready! I miss my classmates so much. Hehehe. I've got no time to bake for Mdm Aishah but i guess i'll just give her those carnations my godma made. And i can't wait for Sunday because i'm gonna stay home to bake! Hehehe! 

I know I’m pretty crazy some times because I assume that people whom I talk about in this blog actually read my blog. But whether they do or not, I still feel 10 times better after blogging. So here I go.

I don’t want to think too much. But at the same time I wish that I’m just thinking too much because I felt that you are distancing yourself from me. To be honest I’m pretty sad because you are the one who told me that you don’t want us to lose what we have. Yet you are the one distancing yourself. I really want to talk to you. But I can’t. Because I know I’m annoying. And I don’t want you to feel like I’m pushing you or whatsoever. Part of me regretted asking. But I know I made the right choice because I need to know. What I didn’t expect was that I actually landed myself in my own grave because your words and actions killed me. I know all these are my fault because I made that choice. And I’m sorry because I showed my feelings. But if you really don’t want to lose what we have, will you do something about it? Because I don’t know what to do anymore. If you’re worried because you didn’t feel the way you thought you did, it’s really okay. I’m not gonna take what you said previously to heart. Okay? But if it doesn't really matter to you, then its okay! Really really. *smiling emoji* hehehe. Just be happy and yeah. 

Okay, imma go prepare my stuff for tomorrow already. Bye guys! 

Some things, you just know.

Had a 5 hours meeting till 8:30pm after Math paper today. I have no idea how i survived it but i did! Hehehe. I'm so excited for the IG outing next Thursday. Well, part of the reason might be because i'm part of the planning team and i know how all these are going to work.

Tomorrow's USS trip is cancelled because one of the roller coaster broke down or something. Feeling a little disappointed because its meant to be an outing for me to put my mind off stuff for a little while. But i guess its fine because then i can accompany my mum and granny to the hospital. Speaking of hospital, i think i should visit the doctor some time soon because i realise my appetite and stomach have been really weird recently. I'm not so sure is it because of my irregular meals or what. But i haven't felt this kind of discomfort for pretty long already. Dad is really nice. He actually went to buy small packets of biscuits and told me to bring it with me wherever i go because its going to be really useful when i feel that my gastric is acting up. These are the little things that i'm really grateful for.

I have been kinda busy these few weeks. Not exactly really busy but its the mental thing thats making me really exhausted to the point whereby i kind of forgot how it feels like to be taken care of. I know i have many people around me who cares but it just feels like i'm so occupied with my own thoughts that i can't see anyone around me. Blinded by myself man.
But i felt it now. Those care and concern, i do. And i thank you for feeling something for me because being liked and loved is a blessing. I can't tell these to you personally because i don't want to make you feel bad or whatever. So if you happen to visit my blog and saw this, yeah. This post is for you. No words can describe how grateful i am for all those things that you have done for me. But some things, you just know. I have no idea what do you see in me but i don't think thats important because i'm pretty sure by the end of our time together you'll know me more and understand why i said that. I'm not going to ask you not to wait or say all those words that people always say because i believe one day you will meet someone who truly deserves you. And till then, you can take all your time to feel what you are feeling now. But i promise our friendship will go on ;)

Its 1am now and its time for bed. Goodnight guys! ^^

My heart aches.

Instead of studying Math, i'm blogging because i think i really need to let these thoughts out. This morning before my paper, my mum told me that my granny cried because she overheard something. I think this is something i really cannot tolerate. I mean, i really don't give a shit if you are unhappy with me or anything. And i don't give a fuck that i'm younger than you or what. If you don't show respect to my granny, give me a reason why i should treat you with respect. If you haven't seen how my granny took care of all of us since young, i think you should really shut the fuck up.

I really think i have the best granny on Earth. She is the strongest woman i've ever seen. After she was diagnosed with cancer that time, she was told to have injection twice every single day. It started off with my mum helping her when she was staying at our house. But after she went back, my aunties started to help her with the injection. Recently, she started injecting for herself because she don't want to trouble people anymore. Can you guys feel the amount of stress that she is facing towards her health? What the fuck is wrong with people nowadays? You know if you are so unappreciative towards whatever that you are having now then maybe you should just go and find somebody else who can give you a better life. You think that the life of your family is so easy? What are you doing exactly other than just taking? Are you even contributing? I don't have to go up every day to know what the fuck is happening in that house. Honestly, start appreciating before its all gone. Because i assure you, you will regret when she leaves and you will be the one crying the loudest.

Went to visit granny after paper just now and she was so glad. My heart aches so bad when i see her. She's so old already and she's sick. Why can anybody at least help out a little? Nobody is asking anyone to do everything. Just do your part in keeping the house clean and clear your own shit after you're done. How is that difficult? She cooked dinner for me and i told her that home cook food is always the best. I know she's tired. Physically and mentally. But she told me she'll cook for me everyday if i can visit her. Why must she go through these kind of shit? If i could i will take all the sufferings from her. Wanted to hug her before i leave but all i did was smile because i know if i do, i'll just break down and cry. She deserve so much more for whatever that she have done for this family. So much more.

What is so hard about being filial? Although she's tired and sad, all she ever wanted was for her children and grandchildren to be happy. I feel so disappointed in myself when that thought hits me. What am i doing with my life? How unfilial can i be. I will be a happy girl from now on. Maybe not for myself but for people around me. I'm thankful for everyone who has been there. And now, i'm going to be there for everyone else.

Busy week ahead!

Its UCB FA tomorrow followed by Math on Tuesday AND I AM DONE WITH SEM ONE OMG. HAHAHA! I can't wait! Not that i'm worried about the assessment tomorrow though. I mean, i am suppose to be worried. But here i am, blogging, chilling and not caring. I don't even know why. For the first time i'm taking anything so lightly. Seriously. Hahaha

Meeting after FA on Tuesday all the way till 7pm. Super tired. But i know i can do this! Hehehe. I'm so happy because i have my week all planned out. FA and meeting on Monday and Tuesday, USS on Wednesday with part of the hellbounders, Teachers' day celebration in WRSS and closing with Martin on Thursday and TADA. TGIF! Hehehe! 

I don't know what to talk about anymore. So, i'll just go and pack up and go to bed already. Goodnight all! ^^