Falling and falling and falling

I just realise recently that i fall for people too easily. This thing had been ongoing for months. No, years. To be exact, 2 years. Its like a cycle. I fall, i got hurt, after awhile, i fall again. I really don't understand. Until today after i had a long talk with mum during lunch.

I was really bothered today. Feeling fucked up and all, wondering why can't i get myself out of this mess once and for all. So i told my mum what happened. This is the problem:

I can't seem to trust females (except a few). Okay. I wonder if thats weird. But as a female i can't even trust myself some times. I don't know if its in the character or what. But from my experience, most of the time when i open up to them, even when i tell them not to tell anyone else, after a few days you'll find that everybody knows your little secret. Its scary. Like.. Is this a female competition or what? You sabotouch people and try to portray yourself as a super nice person? The scarier thing is that i'm like that too. I can't really keep secrets. So i can't blame anyone. My point is when i tell my personal stuff to guys, usually when they say they'll keep it as a secret, they really will. And thats the problem!

I try to convince myself that i'm not the only girl who feels better around guys. In a way that i don't have to worry about so much when i speak. I can just be myself and say whatever that I want. So since 2 years ago, i've met a few guys that i thought i could trust entirely. But somehow, they always leave me whenever i started trusting. I use to not understand whats wrong with me. Whats the problem? Why am i always the one that falls into such shit? But i realise today that its my problem. Whenever they care, I take it personally and eventually, shit happens! I start to fall for it. And when i fall, i start caring. And when i care, maybe they fall too. But after awhile, they realise this is not what they want. So they get themselves out of that shit. And then me....... 

In short, Just because they care, doesn't mean they like you.

I need to start keeping low profile. This is the one thing i wanna see in myself. Glue my mouth together so i won't start blurting my problems to everybody else. For my ignorance, I'm sorry to everyone that i've ever hurt or sabotouched. It won't happen again. 

Pardon my language errors and the lack of vocabs.